Funny Christmas Quotes

Cute Christmas quotes, Humorous Christmas quotations, Funny Christmas sayings and Christmas funny quotations:
funny christmas cartoon

“ Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people once a year.”
~ Victor Borge

“ Santa is very jolly because he knows where all the bad girls live.”
~ Dennis Miller

“ Nothing’s as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas.”
~ Kin Hubbard

“ I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph.”
~ Shirley Temple

“ Why is Christmas just like a day at the office? You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.”

“ Christmas carols always brought tears to my eyes. I also cry at weddings. I should have cried at a couple of my own.”
~ Ethel Merman

“ The one thing women don’t want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning is their husband.”
~ Joan Rivers

“ Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we’ll be seeing six or seven.”
~ W.C. Fields

“ I never believed in Santa Claus because I knew no white man would be coming into my neighborhood after dark.”
~ Dick Gregory

“ Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.”
~ Johnny Carson.

“ Christmas is the season of peace and goodwill, till you go shopping & get the bill.”

“ The big man is coming and already I’m shedding a tear. I’m just too santamental.”

“ People really act weird at Christmas time! What other time of year do you sit in front of a dead tree in the living room and eat nuts and sweets out of your socks?”

“ Christmas is a time when kids tell Santa what they want and adults pay for it.
Deficits are when adults tell the government what they want and their kids pay for it.”

“ The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn’t for any religious reasons. They couldn’t find three wise men and a virgin.”
~ Jay Leno